And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize