While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
