I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
