textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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