dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
