I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
