Your face is a jimmy john
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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