I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
