I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
