umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
