"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
