are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize