call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
