Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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