: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
