Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
