Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize