grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
