News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
