Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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