We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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