Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
