I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize