This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
