Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize