I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
