Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize