Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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