smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
