This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
