So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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