someone threw a dead crab at me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
