Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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