LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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