Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
