dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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