She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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