Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
