none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
