How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is the high leading the old right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
