I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
