oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
