Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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