I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
