you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
