To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
