I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Randomize