it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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