Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
