i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
