What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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