Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
being pregnant is like rehab
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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