Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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