I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize