Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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