what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
