If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I party with great urgency now.
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