legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
