I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
