I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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