I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
