Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
