dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
