I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
