I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
