so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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