just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
