yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
