I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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