i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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