I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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