I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
