his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
