Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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