Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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