I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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